This weekend’s Fifth Annual Rock Paper Scissors World Championships have ended, and Brit Bob Cooper has come out a winner. The Toronto event drew a reported 500 competitors and 250 spectators from 26 U.S. States, four Canadian provinces, Norway, New Zealand, Australia, Wales, the UK and Ireland and paid a top prize of CAN$7000.

“I went through extensive training, read ‘The Official Rock Paper Scissors Strategy Guide’, and studied the 27 possible RPS gambits before competing,” said Cooper. “I prefer not to discuss my strategy because I plan to defend my title at next year’s World Championships.”

I was amused to discover the US RPS league earlier this year, and amused still more to hear NPR’s Steve Inskeep interview Jason Simmons, aka Master Roshambollah last week (Inskeep lost both throws against the Master).

More: pictures and video from previous tournaments, a feature film, and Rolling Stone: Hand to Hand Combat.

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The Willie Mae Rock Camp For Girls: just another example of why New York is cooler than New Hampshire. Photo by Rocco Kasby, performance by the Pink Slips.

Yet again, a tip of the hat to Ryan Eby for the pointer.

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Posted on the wall in Tom’s Peacock Bar in Corvallis was a mystery: a notice of a rock paper scissors tournament. A visit to the USA Rock Paper Scissors League’s website proved more confusing. Take the first news release as an example:

Rocky Balboa is stepping back into the ring for his final comeback, as production has begun on “Rocky VI: Rocky Paper Scissors.” After a 16-year hiatus, Sylvester Stallone wrote the film himself, knocking out boxing from the script and replacing it with a hand sport that is more intense, more courageous and that looks even better in those dramatic slow-motion shots: Rock Paper Scissors.

And I’m not sure if the Girls of Rock Paper Scissors help or hurt the organization’s appearance of legitimacy (though they’ve even tried sexing up (nsfw) bowling)

But a later news release announced sponsorship from Bud Light and A&E Network for a season of tournaments and finals held at the Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas next month. But even this reads with tongue in cheek. Take co-commissioner Matti Leshem’s comment:

For too long, adults who gather in clubs looking for competition have had only pool or darts to challenge them. Finally, there’s a true sport where talent can be showcased.

Spokespeople for both Bud Light and A&E Network expressed excitement over the tournament, but A&E’s Nancy Dubuc really towed the line:

It’s a quirky, humorous way to bring to television a sport everyone can play — where strength and agility take a backseat to strategy and skill.

Skill? What skill you ask? Read Master Roshambollah’s answer to that challenge:

RPS should not be compared to games of chance, such as poker. With poker, one is dealt 5 or 7 cards out of a possible 52, allowing one to only use around a tenth of the deck at one time. RPS should be compared with other non-random games, such as chess. Even though chess involves considerably less strategy than RPS, one may use any of one’s pieces at any given time, according to certain rules. This is most certainly not random. Besides, it is well known that humans can only approximate random behavior. All cries of “RPS is just random” disappear the moment one’s opponent states, “I dare you to open with rock, you sissy.”

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Al sent this video along via email, and it seems perfect for Friday afternoon. It’s all about super-monks (supramoine in French?), a kind of European Shaolin, maybe.

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Michael Sauers pointed out Q-Unit, a mashup of Queen and 50 Cent. They’re sure to have Disney (the rights owner for Queen’s catalog) on their back soon. At least, it didn’t take Disney long to shut down The Kleptones, whose “A Night At The Hip-Hopera” has a spot on my iPod.

And that’s where the story comes around, are we at the point where we can say Queen’s music has taken on the status of a modern fairy tale? And are these artists — The Kleptones and Q-Unit — the new Disneys, remaking old tales for new times?

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