Via Information Nation: How Long Could You Survive Chained to a Bunk Bed with a Velociraptor? and How Many Five Year Olds Could You Take in a Fight?.

You can only eat so much, and though we’ll likely stretch those limits tomorrow, at some point we all have to take a break. The good folks at Coudal Partners have the perfect solution: a simple test (available as a convenient PDF) that Einstein says only a handful of people can actually figure out.

The premise is simple: somebody in the neighborhood keeps a fish, but who? Read the clues, work it out, and send your answer to the Coudal folks. If you’re right they might have a prize for you. You can leave your answer in the comments here too, but all I’ll have for you is left over turkey.

Here are the hints. The question is “who owns the fish?”

1. The Brit lives in the red house.
2. The Swede keeps dogs as pets.
3. The Dane drinks tea.
4. The green house is on the left of the white house.
5. The green house owner drinks coffee.
6. The person who smokes Pall Malls keeps birds.
7. The owner of the yellow house smokes Dunhills.
8. The man living in the house right in the center drinks milk.
9. The man who smokes Blends lives next to the one who keeps cats.
10. The Norwegian lives in the first house.
11. The man who keeps horses lives next to the one who smokes Dunhills.
12. The owner who smokes Bluemasters drinks beer.
13. The German smokes Princes.
14. The Norwegian lives next to the blue house.
15. The man who smokes Blends has a neighbor who drinks water.

Sure it’s a promo for his new book, but Bob Sutton is offering us all a chance to see if we’re assholes with the Asshole Rating Self-Exam (ARSE).

After 24 questions like “You secretly enjoy watching other people suffer and squirm” (hey, what’s wrong with a little schaedenfreud?) you’ll find yourself placed somewhere on the scale from possible liar to full-blown certified asshole.

• You don’t sound like a certified asshole, unless you are fooling yourself.
• You sound like a borderline certified asshole, perhaps the time has come to start changing your behavior before it gets worse.
• You sound like a full-blown certified asshole to me, get help immediately. But, please, don’t come to me for help, as I would rather not meet you.

And if that isn’t enough self-abuse, another quiz asks “do you make air travel miserable for everyone else?”

I take some offense at the suggestion in one question that asking for extra refreshments is bad behavior, as I feel I can never get enough to drink on a plane, but at least the scale seems a little easier:

• You are too perfect to be true, I don’t believe you.
• You sound like a generally civilized passenger to me.
• You are a borderline “Flying ARSE,”
• You are a certified “Flying ARSE.” I hope that you don’t sit near me.
• You are a certified “Flaming Flying ARSE.” I wish that airlines could ban you from flying.

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